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Brno’s Secret Underground World

The Secret Labyrinth: Zelny trh 21, Brno 60200 Czech.

One minute you’re perusing corn on the cobs at the vegetable market, and the next somebody’s telling you that you look like you’re melting in the sweltering Czech sunshine and that you’d benefit from a tour of the secret underground tunnels to cool down.

So, I chuffed off to find the official tour and booked myself a place. Standing at street level in Brno, you’d never think that there was a hole world of old passageways below your feet but there bloody is. Shit loads of them, and I chose to take a tour of the Labyrinth below the Vegetable market.

So, my tour guide spoke Czech and did the entire tour in Czech. At the beginning, we were handed those little headsets that you get on tours, and told to press a button for the English as we entered new rooms. Nice idea, if you got given one that works! So, I endured maybe an hour or touring the tunnels mainly oblivious to what was going on. I met a nice French couple on the tour who tossed me titbits of info throughout.

In a nutshell, we walked through tunnel after tunnel and kind of learnt about how wine and beer used to be made and stored.

Things took a turn for the dark, as the tour also takes you through brutal punishment techniques from yesteryear. All’s I’m saying is, you’d think twice about scoffing grapes before you hit the till at ASDA back in those days.

There were lots of real archaeological finds down there too. Some of the ornaments would look chuffin’ great in a hipster cafe.

Popped that ancient punishment whip into my handbag as compo for having a broken headset. It’ll come in handy for my Tinder dates.

I paid about 12 euros for the tour and it does go on and on. Nice escape from the midday sunshine. Got any tips for creative Euro tours? Let’s have a chinwag down below.

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Samantha Robinson

Founder + Content Director

Queen of the Manci Mouths! Freelance Writer with a background in the arts and travel. Tries to speak other languages. Addicted to Eurovision.